Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
