it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
