someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
