You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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