Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
