Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
