so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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