I love black thongs
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She bit a glass in half.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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