There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize