How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
