NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
