What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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