its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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