Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
