life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
