He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
