I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
