38 yer olds are good kisserssss
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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