BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
