You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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