You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
