you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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