You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize