a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
