at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why can't burritos get me drunk
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
