So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
