Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize