We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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