"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
