Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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