I need to stop coming to work sober
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
