I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
