I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i will never coherently bang her
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
