If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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