You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
