I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
