It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
