I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
