there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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