it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
