I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
