When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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