Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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