So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
