We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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