White coat. Heels.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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