just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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