two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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