Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
