nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize