saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
