Small penises have feelings too.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
