that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
