P.S. I can't hear my feet
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
