Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize