Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize