woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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