Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
