i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
