And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
