Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
how does that bad decision feel?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
