She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
