I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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