Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
