2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
