Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cut my penus on the lid.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
