it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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