do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My life is pants optional.
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