Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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