I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
