Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
