update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize