i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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