there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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